How to pass a urine test is pretty straightforward, but I’m constantly amazed by all the false information that’s out there being passed around. But if you’re feeling desperate about finding a way to pass a drug test, I can understand why you might be tempted to go with something that ’sounds good.’ And especially if this is your first time being tested, it can be really hard to tell the good info about how to pass a urine test from the bad.

Sometimes I feel like a preacher or something, I swear. But instead of getting up on a pulpit to rant about fire and brimstone and the wages of sin, I’m on a soapbox trying to get through to people that dilution is the only reliable way to pass a urine test. And instead of fighting Satan, my nemesis is a Mountain of Misinformation.

An Important Fact About Passing a Urine Test With Dilution

What about you? Have you heard about dilution and then just dismissed it as yet another weird theory about how to pass a urine test? Well, before you write it off, think about this: you know those detox drinks you can buy? That’s exactly how they work: DILUTION, plain and simple. Yes, I KNOW they claim to ‘cleanse’ your system, blah, blah, blah. But the harsh scientific reality is that you can’t detoxify your body to get rid of THC in a hurry – all you can do is temporarily detoxify your urine by flushing your kidneys with water. So the only thing detox drinks actually cleanse is your wallet, regardless of their marketing hype.

How Detox Drinks Work

When you read the directions on any commercial detox drink, every single one tells you to drink lots of water before drinking it. The reason why is because those companies know the truth – that dilution is the only way to pass a urine test in a hurry. But a good sales pitch can make common dirt sound like the answer to your prayers, so they have to make you believe that their products contain some secret potion that can miraculously wash THC out of your system. But the reality is that it’s the water you drink that temporarily ‘washes’ the THC out of your kidneys. All a detox drink does is provide you with the supplements you need in order to hide the fact that you’re diluting from the testing lab.

The Pros & Cons of Using a Detox Drink to Pass a Urine Test

Which isn’t to say that detox drinks never work, because they often do. The big problem with them is that they’re just not very reliable. They’re a one-size-fits-all solution for the average person, and because everyone’s metabolism is different, you just have no way of knowing in advance if you’re going to be average enough for them to work for you. In most cases you’re way better off just buying the same ingredients that are in those things and custom-making your own ‘detox drink’ at home. Every single ingredient in those drinks is something you can buy yourself in any health food store or major pharmacy.

Another good reason for making your own detox drink is that it gives you a chance to test yourself before taking your real test. With a commercial detox drink you don’t get a second chance, unless you buy a couple of them at fifty bucks or more a pop. Making your own happens to be a hell of a lot cheaper than buying a commercial drink, but I think for most people that’s not really a big consideration. After all, if you lose your job because you didn’t pass a urine test then it won’t really matter how much money you saved.

There’s information about how to make your own detox drink plastered all over this website, and a good place to start is by reading the tips in this post. But if you’re in a hurry and you just want it all in one place, then you might want to check out my ebook about how to pass a drug test.

But one damn good argument in favor of commercial detox drinks is that they’re just so easy. You drink lots of water and then chug down the bottle right before you go in for your urine test. Period, you’re done. If you pass, you just saved yourself some hassle. Making your own home brew means you have to buy the individual ingredients that will mask your dilution, and then you have to keep track of what you’re taking and how much water you’re drinking. So, some people just may not want to deal with it. I don’t recommend taking a chance on a commercial drink if you have a probation test, or if you absolutely, positively have to keep/get a job. But if failing your test wouldn’t be the end of the world, then I can see where someone might want to just get a commercial detox drink and be done with it. I’m so used to making my own brew now that I don’t have to think about it, but I think for some people it would just be too much of a hassle. I guess it just depends on your desperation level.

Home Remedies That Won’t Help You Pass a Urine Test

One thing I get asked about a lot is Sure-Jell, or Certo (same thing). Of all the home remedies out there about how to pass a drug test I think this is one of the most dangerous, because it actually does appear to work sometimes. But you know what? Whenever I’ve talked to someone that passed with Sure-Jell, every single person has told me that they also diluted. But most of the people I’ve talked to who used Sure-Jell didn’t pass, either because they didn’t dilute at all, or because they diluted too much and the testing lab failed them for it. If you’re thinking about using this method because someone you know passed with it, ask them to tell you exactly what steps they used. I bet you discover the same thing I did.

Another theory about how to pass a urine test that you’ve probably read about is taking huge amounts of niacin – and this one really makes me crazy. Not only is it useless for passing a drug test, you can actually cause permanent damage to your liver if you overdose on it. Which isn’t that hard to do when you’re taking like 100 times or more the recommended daily dose. This one got started years ago from a book written by the late L. Ron Hubbard (the founder of Scientology). The book was about a purification/detoxification program for drug addicts, among other things. I’m not saying niacin isn’t an important vitamin, but Hubbard thought it could basically cure cancer and save the world. But um, last I checked the guy never got any degrees in medicine or nutrition, so his advice is based on his opinion alone, not fact. And then there’s that whole Scientology thing. That’s all I’ll say about that…

And then there are other miracle cures: cranberry juice (diuretic, just makes you pee more), vinegar (changes the PH of your urine), etc. etc. etc. You get the idea. Believe me, I know it’s overwhelming when you see how much wildly different information there is on the net about how to pass a drug test. You’d think it’d be easy to find out, but man, it is not. In the end it comes down to an entirely personal decision, but when it comes to specifically how to pass a urine test, I hope I’ve at least given you some food for thought. I’m not saying there’s not good information out there, but before you choose a method to go with just take everything you read with a grain of salt, verify your sources, and above all, ask lots of questions.

(BTW: This post is about going through the urine drug test procedure. Go here if you’re looking for information on how to pass a urine test.)

A few first-timers have emailed me wanting to know more details about what to expect during a urine drug test. Although it’s impossible to tell you exactly since lab procedures vary somewhat, here’s a description of the “worst case scenario”, based on my own experience and what others have told me about their experiences. Knowing the gory details of how bad it might be may make it not seem so bad if the lab you go to is a little more laid back.

First off, some labs are more relaxed than others about how they collect your urine sample. Some are basically like, here’s a cup, there’s the bathroom, bring me back some pee. But if the lab you go to does it strictly by the book, it’s a pretty humiliating experience in a way. But hey, the whole IDEA of being tested is humiliating, so what’s one more humiliation to them, ‘eh?

Anyway, a by-the-book testing lab will have you remove all your clothing (and I do mean all) and put on a hospital type gown that’s open in the back. This is to try to prevent you from passing your drug test by substituting with someone else’s pee. I say ‘try’, because a few really determined people even manage to smuggle in a substitute under these conditions, but we’re talking majorly risky here. If you’ve got the guts to even try though, my hat’s off to ya.

After you’re buck-naked with this flimsy cotton gown on, a technician will take you into another room, which might be a restroom or it might just be a bare hospital type room if you’re a guy. Either way, the room is pretty bare to further prevent you any opportunities for tampering with your specimen, so there probably won’t even be a sink with running water. And in many cases the water in the toilet will be dyed blue, to prevent you from using it to try to dilute your specimen right in the cup.

The escort might actually observe you while you’re peeing into a vial, or else he or she will just be hovering nearby. Unless you know someone who’s already been at that particular lab before, this is why substitution is so risky. You need to know beforehand just how closely you’re going to be observed.

When you’re done peeing into the cup, you hand the vial over to the technician. The very first thing they do is ‘test its temperature’, usually right there on the spot. If it isn’t somewhere in the range of between like 92-100 degrees, it’s usually an automatic fail since they’ll know you substituted. But assuming you pass the temperature test, they let you go get your clothes back on at this point and you’re done for the day.

And then you wait… Depending on the lab, they may do the initial dip test right there and you’ll have your results before you leave. But usually you have to wait 24-48 hours, and in some cases they inform your employer first. That sucks, because then your life is in limbo for another couple of days or so (thank god the lab I go to does it right there on the spot). And in SOME cases it’s just a “no news is good news” situation. If your results are negative maybe no one will even tell you. In that case you either have to risk looking suspicious by asking, or just hold your breath until a reasonable length of time has passed and you can assume that it was negative. But if it’s positive, you’ll almost always know within a day or two.

Although I’ve done this enough times now and I’ve got my routine down so well that I don’t really worry, but still – it’s always a relief to get the final word. I think if you’re on probation and you’re getting tested, they pretty much always have you wait and you’ll get your results right away. I don’t know if this is always true, but so far everyone I’ve talked to who got tested for this reason has found out their results right away.

How to pass a urine test is really pretty easy. And the satisfaction I feel each time I fool those idiots helps me forget the humiliation of it all. :-)

technorati tags: how to pass a urine test urine drug test passing your drug test
del.icio.us tags: how to pass a urine test urine drug test passing your drug test
icerocket tags: how to pass a urine test urine drug test passing your drug test
keotag tags: how to pass a urine test urine drug test passing your drug test