OMG, this had me laughing out loud. If you came here looking for info on how to pass a drug test, don’t worry – you’ll find it. But sometimes you just need a good laugh, especially if you’re in the middle of freaking out about your situation.

If you’re familiar with The Onion, you know they come up with some pretty funny stuff sometimes. This one’s about proposed legislation to require illegal drug users to inform all their neighbors about their activities.

“Right now, countless Americans are living on the very same blocks as convicted illegal-drug users,” said Sharon Logan of the Weed For Tony Coalition. “Without a federal mandate requiring full disclosure, how are unsuspecting residents supposed to find any decent weed?”

You can read the entire hilarious article here: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30925?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

What Is A DOT Drug Test?

For those who may not know, DOT stands for ‘Department of Transportation’. People who have to take a DOT drug test include anyone who drives a large truck or bus for a living, and any workers who are remotely involved with those vehicles – which is basically anyone in the same company.

A federal agency called the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration (FMCSA) has about a hundred pages of regulations that both employers and labs have to follow when administering DOT drug tests. But fortunately, most of those regulations cover details about the paperwork that has to be done. The drug tests themselves are basically carried out just like they are for any other employer. Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take them seriously – it just means that you don’t have any extra cause for concern just because you’re taking a DOT drug test as opposed to any other kind.

Does The Dilution Method Work For DOT Drug Tests?

Since the FMCSA requires that a DOT drug test be a urinalysis, then yes, dilution will work fine. At least, it will be if you happen to be a pot smoker.

You’ll be given a standard 5-panel test that looks for other toxins as well, so if you do more than just smoke pot you’ll need to be aware of their detection periods and plan accordingly. For most other drugs besides weed, detection periods are measured in days, not weeks. THC cannabanoids are kind of in a class by themselves because of the way they’re stored in the body (in your fat cells), which is why marijuana use can be detected so much longer than other drugs.

What’s The Best Way To Pass A DOT Drug Test?

Federal regulations require that a lab tech observes you while you’re giving your specimen, so substitution is pretty much impossible, whether it’s a powdered urine kit or a friend’s clean pee. And you should definitely never even attempt to use synthetic urine, just because labs have too many ways to detect that now.

So if substitution isn’t an option (it isn’t for most people, in any situation), that leaves dilution as your only real option. But it’s what I generally recommend to anyone taking a piss test anyway, because when you do it right you’re genuinely able to give a clean specimen right on the spot, without all the stress of trying to use substitution without getting caught.

In any situation where you know your test will be unsupervised, substitution (with something besides synthetic urine) is a guaranteed pass, so in that case you should go for it. But in the case of a DOT drug test, or anytime you think you’ll be observed, dilution is a really close second as far as reliability goes.

Myths About How to Pass a Drug Test for Marijuana

There are lots of popular home remedies passed around by very well meaning, but also very misinformed, pot heads. Including cranberry juice, Certo (also known as Sure-Jell), and niacin. You can find some facts about home remedies here.

One of the most prevalent myths about passing a drug test is that you should drink tons of water for days or weeks before your test. The roots of this particular myth are actually grounded in reality (as most myths are), but the real facts about it have become distorted over time.

Possibly the biggest misconception about passing a urine test for marijuana is that you can get rid of THC metabolites by ‘detoxing’ your body – in other words, completely cleansing your body and getting back to square one. This misconception is constantly perpetuated by companies who want you to buy their detox products.

But in fact, because THC metabolites store themselves in your fat cells, the only genuine detoxification you could do would be to somehow lose a lot of weight (and fat) in a big hurry. Needless to say, not a very realistic plan. But if you’re in the position of needing to know how to pass a drug test for marijuana, don’t be discouraged by these facts!

How to Pass a Drug Test for Marijuana – What Does Work?

Hands down, plain old dilution is the MOST effective method for how to pass a drug test for marijuana. But the big problem with it is that most smokers don’t understand exactly how to do it, and more importantly they don’t know how to hide it from the drug testing labs.

Dilution does NOT mean drinking lots of water daily for a long period of time, and it also doesn’t mean adding water to your urine sample during your drug test. For passing a urine test, dilution means drinking enough water in a very short time span to overload your kidneys with fluids. When this happens, your kidneys are temporarily unable to filter the toxins in your body (including THC metabolites).

To put it another way, your urine becomes so diluted  by all the fluids you drank that the metabolite levels are too low to even measure, and voila – you test negative. But this also means that your urine won’t contain any of the elements that it’s supposed to have (including color!), which is the big red flag to testing labs that you’ve deliberately diluted and are trying to beat your drug test. Any serious discussion about how to pass a drug test for marijuana, by using dilution, isn’t complete without information about how to get around this problem.

How to Pass a Drug Test for Marijuana and Get On With Your Life

In order to pass a urine drug test for marijuana, you need to be aware that testing negative is only half the battle – you also need to pass the ‘tampering test.’ There can be NO evidence that you deliberately tried to dilute your urine, or you could fail your drug test on the spot. But fortunately for you (and unfortunately for testing labs), there are some amazingly simple ways to hide dilution. I’ve done it myself many times now, and I’ve passed every single time.

How to pass a drug test for marijuana is serious business, but that doesn’t mean it’s a reason to panic. Go here to find out more about how to pass a drug test using dilution.

First of all, if we’re talking completely 100% natural here, then the only option you have is to just abstain and let time take care of it. Unfortunately, that’s not an option for most pot smokers. But does that mean passing a drug test requires ingesting a lot of junk into your body? I guess it depends on your perspective.

Lots of folks who smoke pot are into green living, including when it comes to their own body. But there are many different philosophies about how to stay healthy, and here’s where it gets sticky. If we’re talking about basic vitamins and herbs like vitamin-C, B-complex, milk thistle, etc., even the most hard core purists wouldn’t have a problem with passing a drug test naturally. I consider myself pretty hard core when it comes to what I put into my body, but if I want to pass a drug test I know I’ve got to relax the rules a little, frankly.

How to Pass a Drug Test Naturally – You Might Need to Make a Few Compromises

The ways to pass a drug test that actually work don’t necessarily require you to drink poison, but you do need to be prepared to ingest some things you might not ordinarily. We’re not talking things that will have a lasting effect on your body, but they are things that aren’t what I would consider to be natural by any stretch of the imagination. For me, one of the biggies is Gatorade, which is loaded with sugars and food coloring. But it’s also loaded with natural salts that I know will make the density of my urine look normal when I’m diluting, so I just bite the bullet and drink it.

How to pass a drug test naturally means you should also take some creatine monohydrate, which some people consider kind of iffy. Creatine is in lots of foods that we eat, and if you have normal levels in your body it gets filtered by your kidneys and comes out in your urine as creatinine. Not all labs test creatinine levels, but most do nowadays. If you’re diluting, then you’ll have washed most of the creatinine out of your kidneys and it’s a red flag to labs.

How to Pass a Drug Test Naturally – Doing the Least Harm

But still, if you really want to pass a drug test without taking any more junk into your body than is absolutely necessary, then you’re better off buying all the ingredients and doing it yourself at home. It’s still better than buying a commercial detox drink, which is also loaded with unrecognizable chemicals along with food coloring. Making your own detox drink means that you at least know exactly what you’re putting into your body. Maybe that’s not exactly what you wanted to hear, but it’s the most honest answer I have for how to pass a drug test naturally.

The information you’ll find on this website is specifically for pot smokers, and it all got started when I had to start taking drug tests at my place of employment. What I’ve learned about how to pass a drug test has been a real eye-opener, to put it mildly. Probably the biggest shock is how much money we smokers spend (millions!!) on products that don’t even have a chance in hell of actually working. Desperate people will take desperate measures, and the companies who sell detox products are counting on it.

There is no ONE detox method that will work for every kind of drug (regardless of any marketing hype you may have read), because different toxins are metabolized in our bodies in different ways. The method I recommend for passing a urine drug test for pot is dilution, but dilution probably won’t help you if you need to know how to pass a drug test for any other substance. For the detection times of drugs other than cannabis, see ‘Links to Useful Resources’ over in the sidebar area of this page.